A New Path and a New Beginning

Tamara pulled a pair of tennis shoes from the back corner of the closet and blew off a year’s worth of accumulated dust. She slipped them on, tied the laces, then walked toward the front door of her apartment. Sean’s teasing over the one time she’d ended up sprawled on the ground echoed through her. No wonder it had been so long since the last run.

After he walked out—Stop! There’s no point …

She flung open the door and sprinted toward the tree line. A different path was the best choice. New was good. Avoid familiar. No need to stir up even more painful thoughts.

No way to outrun the memories no matter how fast or hard she ran the solid trail. They hunted her like an eagle after a salmon. Diving. Taunting. Finally taking hold.

Why had he … if only he’d … but the nightmare wouldn’t change. One would think after a full year dealing with the loss would be easier somehow.

Now, alone, she chased the dream of a family. The life of an orphan. Even as an adult, the reality could not be denied. Unwanted then—unwanted now.

Tamara picked up the pace. She might not be able to outrun the inner demons, but she was going to at least exhaust them and their voices. Emotions swirled and thundered through her. Her mind betrayed her. No matter how fast she ran, all attempted distractions plummeted, rose, leaped, and fell.

Out of breath and trembling, she rested her hands on her thighs to catch a breath, then sank to the dew-wet ground. The cold moisture seeped through her leggings. Such a fitting scenario. She zipped her windbreaker and rubbed her arms. A sigh slipped out followed by a whimper. “Why? W-w-hy? Wh-y-y-y?” With a jerking motion, she looked skyward. “What have I ever done so wrong that You can’t even let me have any kind of family?” Tamara pounded the twigs around her.

The monologue continued. “Criers don’t get much done in this world. Time to get on with life.” Maybe moving away from this stifling town was a better answer. To stay surrounded by painful memories didn’t help. “What’s that saying about insanity? How can I remain and expect a different outcome?”

She stood, then took a few treads down the path, pulled her shoulders back, and curled her fingers into her palms. “That’s it. I’ll move.” With a trembling voice, the diatribe drew on. “But my job is here.” Tamara stopped moving forward and looked up again. “I’ve been trying to listen to You for so long. You say You’re with me, but I am alone.” She gulped around her tearing heart as it made its way into her throat. A throwaway. Always tossed on someone’s trash heap. Looking around her, she sighed. Only pathetically lonely souls talked out loud to themselves.

A hum drifted through the waving tree limbs. With faltering steps, Tamara glanced around again. What was that noise? It almost sounded like the oversized tabby her one-time best friend owned. Sean’s sister. No one since had cared enough to listen. “Why did I have to lose both of them at the same time? Fine, he left me, but why her?” But Bonnie had always been extremely loyal to her family, and Tamara hadn’t acquired the name that would have that depth of devotion extended to her. She kicked a large rock, then jumped and grabbed the toe of her shoe. Stupid rock.

The whirr grew louder. Mountain lions didn’t purr … or maybe they did. After all, she’d never encountered one in the wild.

Tamara’s heart, now back in its rightful place, kicked up its pace as she looked around. Dust flew. Kindling joined the aerial dance.

Someone stepped into the clearing. A weed eater swung side-to-side with each step the coverall-wearing person took. The whirring stopped and the gloved hand lifted the plastic face shield.

Tamara gasped. She lifted her shaky hand in a short wave but dropped it to her side. How could it be? Hadn’t all Sean’s family … when had …

Bonnie’s brows lifted. She took a step but stopped short. “Tam?” Whispered words and a year fell away.

Tamara shifted her weight and rocked side to side, like a boxer keeping muscles warm before a fight. What to do? Could this even be happening? Do not cry.

But Sean’s sister strode forward.

What to say—hello hardly seemed appropriate after a year of silence.

Bonnie kept walking. Half a second passed and Bonnie’s arms wrapped around Tamara.

She couldn’t move. The air would not fill her lungs. Frozen. No movement. But the hug increased.

Tamara’s breath quickened. Her heart pounded in her ears. With quaking arms, she engulfed Bonnie. Tears. Laughter. More Tears. All before any words were spoken. And two hearts re-joined.

Then the friends released their grip and held each other at arm’s length.

“I didn’t know you were still here. I thought you’d moved away with your family.”

“I did,” Bonnie looked down for a second or two. “I just bought one of the new houses in the neighborhood,” she cocked her head to the side. “I work for the landscaping company that’s putting in the yards, and I’m cleaning up the treed area here. I thought it would be easier to get to the running trail back here.”

Darkness crossed her face. “I’m sorry, Tam. I shouldn’t have left you when Sean did. I was just so—”

“I know. I was too.”

Bonnie’s shoulders trembled. “I’m glad to see you’re out running.”

“It’s my first time since he left me at the altar. I just couldn’t go on the same trails we had done together.”

“Have you ever run this path before?”

“No. This is the first time.” Tamara inspected her nails.

“I’ve been praying for the strength to call you.”

Tamara raised her head. Her lips trembled; she swiped at the tears but they flowed anyway. “You have?”

The friends hugged again, then Bonnie continued. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

“I will on one condition.” Tamara pushed away and shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket.

The space between Bonnie’s eyebrows creased. The sides of her mouth lowered.

Tamara wrapped her arm over Bonnie’s shoulder. “Show me this new house you bought.”

Bonnie laughed, “Since I hope you’ll be spending lots of time at it, of course I’ll show you around.”

Tamara glanced up and watched clouds change shape. A silent prayer bubbled up as her heart began feeling again. You really heard me. Thank you, Father. Thank you. New beginnings. One step at a time.